So I called Boogie and Rovena. It had been a while since we had spoken. They told me they were meeting regularly at
the local Unitarian Universalist (UU) church now and why don’t we swing by and
visit. I said we would. So Juno, Kay and I loaded up and drove
over. Boogie and Rovena have been
involved in Ar nDraiocht Fein (ADF) for many years now. They have never wavered from their faith in
the organization. They had finally begun their own Proto-grove. Now ADF is a Druid fellowship, with branches
all over the world called groves. It is
very warm and opening to all persons.
While people in the group call themselves Druid, that term is used
loosely. You do not have to worship in
gods in the Celtic pantheon, or be of Celtic decent to be a Druid to them. You can choose whatever Indo-European culture
you like Heathen, Roman, Hellenic, Slavic, Anglo – Saxon, etc. So Heathens like me were readily
accepted.
It was so wonderful to see Boogie and Rovena again. It was just like old times. In an ever changing world, they are ever
constant. Juno felt right at home, and
what’s better, not alone anymore. I have
never defined myself as Druid. Yes
Heathen with heavy Druid leanings, but not Druid. So much in Paganism is how you define, or
don’t define yourself. I had spent many
years among Wiccans; remember there were almost no Heathens in the area. So many of the things I did in my practice
are Wiccan based, calling corners, making circles, sweeping out negativity,
etc. I have at times defined myself as a Norse Witch. I carried around a lot of
shame for being asked to leave two covens, and having two of my own groups
collapse on me. I felt unwanted and in a
way jinxed. Despite being welcomed by
Boogie and Rovena, I felt like I belonged nowhere.
I got to know two young ladies in the Druid group, D &K. About a year after coming, I got to know them
a lot better. D, K, Juno, Kay and I
began talking about getting Holda’s Hands back together. There were certain aspects of my spiritual
life I did not feel were being fulfilled.
D&K felt the same way. We
began to hold ritual again. Now Juno and
Kay had moved into our guest bedroom a few weeks before and D&K suddenly
decided they wanted to move out here too.
So they bought a little 17 ft. trailer and moved out back of my
house.
We all lived in one great big Pagan commune for about 3
months before everything fell apart again.
D was controlling and manipulative.
Not long after moving in she decided to sit down and tell me everything
I did wrong with my life. Then she tried
to split Juno and Kay up. After that she
began to say that I was a racist.
D&K had an odd relationship. One
we are still scratching our heads over. They
had at several points during their relationship been lovers, but were not at
the time they lived here. They lived
together, slept in the same bed, and K did everything for D. It took us a while to understand that D was
using K and viewed her, unconsciously or not, as her own personal servant. We confirmed that one night when D tells
Juno, “You’re going to have to train Kay, just the way I trained K, like a
dog.” Juno and I were
flabbergasted.
After about 3 months I had had enough. It ended badly for all of us. The day that I asked D to leave, Juno spent
hours yelling at me telling me what a horrible person I was for doing
such. She said, “If she goes, I’m going
too.” And she did. Juno my dear and precious friend did not
speak to me for over a year. I was
crushed.
No coven wanted me, I chose not to be a part of Druid
anymore because D, K, Juno and Kay were still going, and I was in what felt
like a forced exile. I spent the next
year as a solitary. I was alone. A place that is very difficult for an
extraverted witch like me.
Then April of last year I got a surprise Facebook message
from Juno. A message I thought I would
never receive. In it she poured out her
heart. She was sorry for what had taken
place. She and Kay had moved in with
D&K. It did not take them long to
see in D many of the things, that I had been saying all along. Juno and Kay had recently moved out and now
had their own home. She did not know if
I would respond but she wanted to apologize none the less.
I responded as quickly as possible, that I had long ago
forgiven her, and would she consider meeting me for tea. We were quickly reunited. She was still involved with the Druid
group. D&K were not. In no time at all I was back hanging out with
the Druids. It was so good to see Boogie
and Rovena again, still ever constant. I
have been back almost a year and a half now.
While this ADF Proto-grove was not the place I had envisioned for
myself, it has become a wonderful, loving and safe place for me to be.
One Saturday not long ago, I sat in the UU grove with Rovena. I told her, “I have been kicked out of two
covens, started and had two of my own, and watched them dissolve before my eyes. I never wanted to put down roots here with
y’all in the Proto-grove, because I was terrified of being asked to leave
again. Silently, in the bottom of my
heart, I have been waiting for a call from the HP coven telling me to come
home. It’s been three years. That call is never coming. I have cut and bound my cords and it is in
your ritual fire I want to burn them. I
now understand what a profound state of grace I have been in. I have been moved ahead of trouble, so many
times. I believe I am now ready to try
and give myself to this group fully.”
Rovena, ever constant, just looked at me, said she understood and
smiled. I threw my bundle in the pit and
Boogie helped me set it on fire.
Ilsa
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