A Visit with Juno

A few days after I threw out Paige, I went to visit with Juno.  Oh it was so good to see her face!  I just embraced her.  We both just cried.  We sat and drank tea, while she told me what had happened to them since they had moved.  They had lived with D & K for over 6 months, in some really scary neighborhoods.  It took her a bit to see what I had seen in D.  She said, “You were right.  I just didn’t want to see it.”  D ended up using Juno like a slave.  Juno and Kay had decided they had to get out.  They saved up their money and gotten a little rent trailer.  It was tiny, but it was theirs.  It was the first place they had lived all by themselves.

Juno told me that after our fight, she believed I would never speak to her again.  She had a flashback during part of the fight and did not remember what she had said.  I reminded her.  She said, “I’m surprised you even want to talk to me after that.”  I assured her I knew she had been under D’s influence and had not been herself that day. 

I asked if D & K were still attending Druid.  Juno confirmed they were not.  I asked if it would be okay with her if I began to attend again.  She said that would be up to me.  I celebrated Beltane 2014 with my Druid group.  It was my first ritual since Mabon, more than 6 months before.  It felt so good.  It felt like home.

I continued that summer to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, recover from Paige, and from Punka’s death.  One night in July I was in the tub when Tami came in the door.  She was holding the most beautiful little black and tan Dachshund.  She had been working at the Bossier Animal Control that day and someone had brought him in.  They turned him in because he had eaten a pair of headphones.  I told him it was the best thing they had ever done.  They were full at the time, and were having to put dogs down.  So Tami had snatched him up, because she knew he would be perfect for our family.  “He looks like a Scooter to me,” I said.  And so it was that Scooter entered our lives.

Jay had been working for Unifirst for almost 5 years at that point.  We both wanted him out of that job so bad.  One warm day, I think it was in the upper 80’s, Jay called me and did not sound right.  He was exhausted and hot. He had stopped sweating and was slurring his words.  I knew he was in danger.  I told him to get off the road, and into some AC and cool off.  Jay was heat exhausted and was close to having a heat stroke.  I made him tell me where he was.  He was somewhere at a stop in Arkansas.  I told him if he did not get in some AC I was going to call 911 and get the first responders to him.  He promised me he would. 

I hung up with him and called his boss and told him what was going on.  I called back and Jay was safe and cooling off.  It was enough to scare both of us.  I told him I didn’t care if we went broke, I wanted him to find a new job, even if it was for less money.  His job was not worth his health or his life.

Tami would buy her first home in August of 2014, and move out of Momma Muriel’s house.  I was honored when she told me one of the reasons they were staying in Louisiana was to be close to me.  They chose a home about 10 miles from me.  I can be to her house in about 15 minutes.  As we could not figure out how to move Mr. Henry, the pot bellied pig, without traumatizing him, Tami gave him to me and he stayed here.  She comes to visit him and bring him treats often. 

In September Jay had to go in for his DOTD physical.  He struck up a conversation with the male medical assistant there, Robert.  Jay just happened to mention that he was trained as a medical assistant, but had been unable to find work in his field.  Robert told Jay they were hiring, and looking for a male medical assistant.  He ran to get his supervisor and introduce her to Jay.  Jay was hired a few weeks later.  Jay has never been happier! 

Jay gave his two weeks at Unifirst.  We decided for Samhain to take a vacation and go to south Texas and visit with my Druid buddies, Mother Marie, Mother Gloria and Father Dave.  Hell after the last few years we needed a break.  Tami looked after the farm for us.  We had the best time.  They are still talking about our cooking down there.  I told Mother Gloria about my trip on Marijuana, and about not wanting to be possessed by the Gods again.  She warded me and that warding has held.  I have not been taken by the Gods since December of 2013.  It is my hope that it will not happen again.  I think my mind is too fragile at this point.

On December 2^nd, 2014 Paige left my parents house.  I meet with Mom for the first time in two and a half years on December 7^th.  Two days later Mom had a stroke.  She still thinks it had to do with all the stress she was under with Paige.

Tami called me in December and told me she was having trouble with Lu-Lu and Pippy.  Both of them kept getting out of the gate and terrorizing the neighborhood.  She had asked me to take them before, but I was never ready.  We both weren’t.  I think we were both ready this time.  So close to Christmas we added Lu-Lu, a 10 year old Chihuahua, and Pippy, a 4 year old black and white mutt, into our pack.  They are very happy here.  Pippy is quite a kisser, and loves to play with Scooter.  Lu-Lu is a primadonna and Sophia’s BFF. 

Juno had told me she had never really had a Christmas, so Jay and I decided to give her one.  I had so much fun shopping for them.  It is one of my favorite Christmases’ so far, and much better than the Christmas I had spent the year before. 

Jay had started his new job in November.  We knew we would have to spend 90 days or so without insurance. We stocked up our meds as best we could, and prepared to make it through.  Thank gods for the oil well checks.  When it came time to buy my two depression meds at, $250 and $800, a bottle we obviously could not afford it. 

I made the decision to get off of my meds, for the first time in at least 10 years.  We buckled down and prepared for the worst.  What happened next we did not expect.  I began to feel better.  I was not sleeping 17 hours a day anymore.  I was not so fuzzy.  Jay and I’s love relationship got better.  I had been having problems for at least a year.  I figured, as in all things, that I was to blame and it was just all in my head.  I had had so many Dr’s tell me that, I started to believe it.  Turns out it was the meds.  I think I had been overmedicated for a long time.  I started to feel so good, I began sewing again.  Something I had not done in a long time. 

My life was finally starting to get better.  Jay was no longer exhausted all the time.  He was only working 40 hours a week.  He was not in that hot truck.  He would come home singing.  Then he would start cooking and doing clothes.  I was overjoyed to see him so happy.

In February of 2015 Juno wanted to get a service dog, to help with her mental problems.  The people in her trailer park began to give her trouble as to size and breed.  She would find a dog, and then try to talk to them about getting said dog and by the time they got back to her the dog would not be available anymore.  Then they wanted to charge them more rent because of this new dog.  Juno and I were talking one day over lunch and I said, “I will have to check with Jay, but why don’t you and Kay move out to Momma Muriel’s trailer.  You would have lots of room, and could have any dog you wanted.”  Juno and Kay moved out here the first part of April. 

Ilsa

 

 

The Girls

It has been our great pleasure over the last few years to watch over and care for Juno and Kay.  We often refer to them as “The Girls,” a misnomer as they are very capable young women.  I have over the last few years served as their High Priestess, their friend, a kind of aunt and at times a surrogate mother.  They are a great joy in my life.

Juno and Kay are from a far away land called Indiana.  I hear the summers there are quiet pleasant and rainy.  You can understand how for someone from Louisiana that sounds like a fairy story.  But I am assured this place is real.  I have after all seen it on a map, but as of yet have yet to journey there myself. 

Juno and Kay have been together for many years.  For a large percentage of their lives they have lived with Kay’s parents.  Kay’s stepfather became attached to Barksdale, and so they moved here to the hell that is Louisiana.  I often admire them for being an open couple, and living their truth, in the buckle of the Bible belt.  A place that can at times be very homophobic.  When Juno and Kay walk in the grocery store holding hands, people look at them hatefully.  Just makes me want to kick people’s asses!  You know that thing about Jesus tells us to love everyone, only applies to certain people, or so a lot of people around here feel.

In January 2013 we learned that Kay’s stepfather intended to retire, and return home to Indiana that Summer.  The girls were informed they were no longer welcome to live with their family.  If they returned to Indiana, they would have to do it on their own, and find their own place to live.  Jay and I graciously opened our home to them, as we knew they had no money to do such a thing.  As Tami was living in Momma Muriel’s house, I could not offer that to them.  They would be moving into our guest bedroom in the Summer, but until then the room had to be cleaned.  Our guestroom also functions as Jay’s man cave.  Juno and I chose paint colors.  The first time she had ever been able to do that in her life.  So our great plans were laid.

Juno, Kay and I began to worship with Rovena’s ADF grove at Imbolc 2013, and continued to hold our Holda’s Hand rituals here at my home.  Since I had been possessed two years before I had been studying books on how to Sit High Seat, or as the Wiccan’s say Drawing Down.  It was my hope to learn so this I might learn to control this ability, and that I would be able to teach Juno, so she could pull me out should something go wrong.  At our Holda’s Hands Imbolc 2013 I put myself in a semi-trance, half possessed state.  Pan came through again, and then the Mother.  I did not know until later, how bad I had scared Juno.  It greatly disturbed her.  I have never again tried to actively become possessed.  Jay hated me doing this work, but I persisted in my studying, after some time though I gave it up.   I have deiced that my mental health is already too fractured, I do not have the necessary training, and it upsets Jay too much.  I recently sold all of my books on the subject. 

So we rocked along.  Juno, Kay and I kind of stopped doing Holda’s Hands.  Goat Problems took up a lot of my time.  I’m sorry I have not talked about Jay a lot here.  My emotional adventures often overshadowed our lives and our relationship.  Jay was still working for Unifirst.  He had been with them for almost 3 years at this point.  Jay worked anywhere from 50 to 80 hours a week for salary, or basically for 40 hours worth of pay.  He worked in a panel truck, with no AC, that could easily reach over 120°F on a warm day, much worse on a summer’s day.  All of which we found out was perfectly legal, although we felt immoral.  Corporations’ could care less about their employees.  They are expendable and highly replaceable.  All they care about is their bottom line.    Jay was chronically sleep deprived.  He spent two nights a week away from me. 

In May of 2011 Jay went in for his yearly physical.  His blood work showed that his calcium levels were off.  We continued to do blood work on him threw out that summer.  It was finally decided that it was his parathyroid, and he should have it removed.  One of the things your parathyroid controls is how your body absorbs calcium.  In September of 2011 Jay had most of it removed.  It was many times larger than it should have been.  Other than that his life pretty much stayed the same, go to work, help me with my crazy, crash on the weekends, and then goes back to work. 

In July of 2013 Jay developed a pimple under his right arm.  We did not think much about it.  A few days after we popped that pimple he developed a mass the size of a softball.  It was hot and it hurt him.   We took him into our PCP.  Our Dr. took one look at it and said, “Jay you have a massive staph infection.”  We were quickly admitted to the hospital.  Jay would spend 5 or 6 days there.  They tried for two days with antibiotics to get it to go down, and it would not.  Finally he was taken into surgery to have it drained. It was over 30 cc’s. 

Jay was sent home on light duty, with drain tubes in his arm.  It was so gross.  I shiver just thinking about it, even now.  I had to change his dressing twice a day.  I was always terrified I would hurt him, or worse do it wrong and that it would come back.  A few weeks later he developed another pimple, on the same arm, only on his forearm this time.  In a few days it began to swell as well.   Jay went into his surgeon, who told him it was staph again.  He said that he could readmit him and drain this, or if he was tough enough he could cut it open, drain it, and pack it in the office.  Jay’s a tough old boy, so he chose the latter.  He said it was the worse pain that he had ever felt, and he’s been in three car wrecks.  He said the packing hurt the worse. 

We feel the second round of staph was left over from his first round.  Jay had been picking up dirty clothes from Flower’s bakery the week he first got staph.  It was a new stop for him.  We believe he picked up something there.  He had never had it before, and after stopping work on that particular route never had it again. 

Ilsa

Becoming Druid

When Holda’s Hands fell apart, those were dark days for me.  I had been what I always wanted, a leader and a teacher to my people, twice and I had lost it all.  Just Juno and Kay stayed.  Juno defined herself as Druid.  I knew that there were other Druids in town, so I set out to find out what they were up to.  I didn’t want her to feel alone anymore. I had met Boogie and Rovena when I first came into this community.  They were and still are wonderful people.  Boogie, Rovena, me and others had tried hard to strengthen the ties of the individual covens in this area, into a more cohesive group that could work together.  But after years of trying we came to understand they just didn’t want to play together.  And what Mike D. did caused the divide to be ever greater. 

So I called Boogie and Rovena.  It had been a while since we had spoken.  They told me they were meeting regularly at the local Unitarian Universalist (UU) church now and why don’t we swing by and visit.  I said we would.  So Juno, Kay and I loaded up and drove over.  Boogie and Rovena have been involved in Ar nDraiocht Fein (ADF) for many years now.  They have never wavered from their faith in the organization. They had finally begun their own Proto-grove.  Now ADF is a Druid fellowship, with branches all over the world called groves.  It is very warm and opening to all persons.  While people in the group call themselves Druid, that term is used loosely.  You do not have to worship in gods in the Celtic pantheon, or be of Celtic decent to be a Druid to them.  You can choose whatever Indo-European culture you like Heathen, Roman, Hellenic, Slavic, Anglo – Saxon, etc.  So Heathens like me were readily accepted. 

It was so wonderful to see Boogie and Rovena again.  It was just like old times.  In an ever changing world, they are ever constant.  Juno felt right at home, and what’s better, not alone anymore.  I have never defined myself as Druid.  Yes Heathen with heavy Druid leanings, but not Druid.  So much in Paganism is how you define, or don’t define yourself.  I had spent many years among Wiccans; remember there were almost no Heathens in the area.  So many of the things I did in my practice are Wiccan based, calling corners, making circles, sweeping out negativity, etc. I have at times defined myself as a Norse Witch. I carried around a lot of shame for being asked to leave two covens, and having two of my own groups collapse on me.  I felt unwanted and in a way jinxed.  Despite being welcomed by Boogie and Rovena, I felt like I belonged nowhere. 

I got to know two young ladies in the Druid group, D &K.  About a year after coming, I got to know them a lot better.  D, K, Juno, Kay and I began talking about getting Holda’s Hands back together.  There were certain aspects of my spiritual life I did not feel were being fulfilled.  D&K felt the same way.  We began to hold ritual again.  Now Juno and Kay had moved into our guest bedroom a few weeks before and D&K suddenly decided they wanted to move out here too.  So they bought a little 17 ft. trailer and moved out back of my house. 

We all lived in one great big Pagan commune for about 3 months before everything fell apart again.  D was controlling and manipulative.  Not long after moving in she decided to sit down and tell me everything I did wrong with my life.  Then she tried to split Juno and Kay up.  After that she began to say that I was a racist.  D&K had an odd relationship.  One we are still scratching our heads over.  They had at several points during their relationship been lovers, but were not at the time they lived here.  They lived together, slept in the same bed, and K did everything for D.  It took us a while to understand that D was using K and viewed her, unconsciously or not, as her own personal servant.  We confirmed that one night when D tells Juno, “You’re going to have to train Kay, just the way I trained K, like a dog.”  Juno and I were flabbergasted. 

After about 3 months I had had enough.  It ended badly for all of us.  The day that I asked D to leave, Juno spent hours yelling at me telling me what a horrible person I was for doing such.  She said, “If she goes, I’m going too.”  And she did.  Juno my dear and precious friend did not speak to me for over a year.  I was crushed.

No coven wanted me, I chose not to be a part of Druid anymore because D, K, Juno and Kay were still going, and I was in what felt like a forced exile.  I spent the next year as a solitary.  I was alone.  A place that is very difficult for an extraverted witch like me. 

Then April of last year I got a surprise Facebook message from Juno.  A message I thought I would never receive.  In it she poured out her heart.  She was sorry for what had taken place.  She and Kay had moved in with D&K.  It did not take them long to see in D many of the things, that I had been saying all along.  Juno and Kay had recently moved out and now had their own home.  She did not know if I would respond but she wanted to apologize none the less.

I responded as quickly as possible, that I had long ago forgiven her, and would she consider meeting me for tea.  We were quickly reunited.  She was still involved with the Druid group.  D&K were not.  In no time at all I was back hanging out with the Druids.  It was so good to see Boogie and Rovena again, still ever constant.  I have been back almost a year and a half now.  While this ADF Proto-grove was not the place I had envisioned for myself, it has become a wonderful, loving and safe place for me to be. 

One Saturday not long ago, I sat in the UU grove with Rovena.  I told her, “I have been kicked out of two covens, started and had two of my own, and watched them dissolve before my eyes.  I never wanted to put down roots here with y’all in the Proto-grove, because I was terrified of being asked to leave again.  Silently, in the bottom of my heart, I have been waiting for a call from the HP coven telling me to come home.  It’s been three years.  That call is never coming.  I have cut and bound my cords and it is in your ritual fire I want to burn them.  I now understand what a profound state of grace I have been in.  I have been moved ahead of trouble, so many times.  I believe I am now ready to try and give myself to this group fully.”  Rovena, ever constant, just looked at me, said she understood and smiled.  I threw my bundle in the pit and Boogie helped me set it on fire.

Ilsa