In those 7 years that I did not speak to Paige, Jelly became
my child. She was loved and she was
cherished. She roamed these lands and
hunted moles, her favorite thing. She
loved Prince and us. She lived a happy
life here.
I always wondered what happened to Paige. I looked her up on Facebook one day. It took me a while to find her, but
eventually I did. By that time, I had
forgotten what she had been like, or why I had been so angry with her.
When Barb suggested that I might be Bipolar I put out the
word on Facebook that I would like to talk to others with a similar
diagnosis. Paige chimed in that she had
the disease and would love to share her experience with me. We talked real briefly on the phone one day,
near the end of D & K’s stay with us.
She called me not long after they left, and told me she was staying in a
motel in Bossier. I thought I should go
out and see her, and so Jelly and I went to visit her. God’s help me I should have left her right
there. But I took pity on her and thought
I’ve got a spare room, and some money. Why
don’t I try to make her life better?
I was still repainting Jay’s man cave, Juno and Kay’s old
room. I told her I need a few weeks to
finish it, to buy a new bed, but after that would she like to move in. I felt I
just could not leave her there. By late
October 2013 Paige moved in with me. For
8 months she would turn my life upside down.
Paige had been in Texas most of the last 7 years. She had lived in Texarkana, been engaged,
lost her house to foreclosure, been robbed, been homeless, been in jail once we
think for drugs, and once for “abusing” her mom. I am fuzzy on the details of her jail
stays. She told us she was diagnosed as
Bipolar in jail, and taken to a 30 day treatment place. By the time she came to us she was no longer
on meds, and was convinced she did not need them.
I let Paige do things in my home and on my property that I
am not proud of. She treated those
closest to me like dirt. She treated Jay
like dirt, and one night would even turn me against Jay. She freely admitted to me, in the end, that
she was trying to break Jay and I up.
She came very close. She told me every
day how stupid he was, and I started chiming in with her. Remember that part about me being
malleable. I often bend my will to
others. She believed Jay was verbally
abusive to me, because some of the pet names we call each other. She gave me commands and I followed them. For
8 months she basically sat on my front porch, smoked cigarettes I bought her,
washed clothes, played with her phone, and found guys to fuck.
We knew Paige loved Marijuana. It was still illegal in the state of
Louisiana at this time, still is as of this writing. Jay hated this fact. He was terrified we would get caught, get in
trouble, and lose everything we owned. I
am grateful we never did. We went round
and round about this. He wanted her out
because of it, I begged him to let her stay, and because he loves me, he did.
She smoked in her room, even after we told her not too. I am allergic to cigarette smoke. She would even smoke her weed inside on a
rainy, cold or windy day. She told me
because she was paying rent, she should be allowed to do what she wanted in her
room.
I told her I had always wanted to try Marijuana, to see what
all the fuss was about. But as I am
allergic to smoke I could obviously not smoke it. So we went to Texarkana and bought some hash
from her middleman connection. On
Christmas Eve 2013 we made Marijuana brownies.
I had the first one and waited about an hour, nothing. So I had another, nothing. I snuck a third one. They were after all good brownies. I got up from the table, to go to the
bathroom about the time the first one hit.
I collapsed in the doorway between my room and the bathroom. I told Paige, “Strawberry.” After some arguing she went and got Jay. They both tried for the next 45 minutes to
get me in bed, but I was a limp noodle, and you have to remember I’m a big girl
so there was no lifting me. I told them,
“I forgot some witches, should not do drugs.”
Some believe since our minds are already open to magical forces, that we
should not really tempt fate by putting ourselves in an altered state with
drugs.
I would trip for the next 9 hours. My last real memory before I passed out for the
first time was becoming possessed. Jay
had one arm, Paige had the other. I was
in front of my bedroom window. I felt
the spirit come through the window and into me, all the while I am screaming,
“No!” I was taken against my will. As I have thought on how to tell you this
story, these last few days, I have been reviewing the details. I wonder now if I did not call for Holda in
that state, and she came into me to protect me from what was going on. I don’t know.
I am not sure if I passed out at that point or not. I do remember The Mother coming thru and her
wanting to reach up and physically hurt Paige. I had some control at that
point, and was able to restrain her. I
know she wanted to yell at Paige. The
only thing I remember her saying was, “I am ready to receive.” Meaning she was ready to receive
questions. I know at one point she
wanted to scream at Paige, “Christian get out of my house!” I don’t remember anything after that. At some point the spirits must have left
me.
I blacked in and out for the next few hours. I cried, I laughed so hard I peed all over
myself more than once. I thought I invented ham, and begged others to look at
what I had created. I took off all my clothes.
I was paranoid. I would come too
and beg for them to get Tami or Barb.
Beg to be taken to the hospital. I
cried that I was a witch, alone and solitary.
I called Jay all manner of terrible things. I’m still apologizing for that one. I started screaming and crying that Jay had
left me, when he was right beside me. At
some point I was given milk to make the trip, lessen or stop. It didn’t help. I started vomiting. I climbed in the tub with my socks on. I thought if I suddenly run outside naked, at
least I would have something on my feet.
Tried out my Kung Fu moves when people tried to put clothes on me. I came to at one point and Paige said, “I
haven’t’ had a cigarette in hours.” I
said, “We better take advantage of it while we have it.” And I pushed her 300lb
ass from the bathroom to the front door, about 50ft. I blacked out again when I got to the front
door. Jay finally got tired and went to
bed. I woke up out of my last black out
about midnight, sitting naked in my chair, vomiting and holding on to a trash
can. Having no idea what was going
on. Somewhere in here I took one of my
panic pills. I don’t know if that made
it better or worse. I know now that I
had basically overdosed on Marijuana. I
didn’t know the effect was more intense when you eat it. I didn’t know that the brownies take about an
hour each to kick in.
I would try Marijuana one more time while Paige was
there. I had one brownie. I got hot, horney, hungry and sleepy. I think now marijuana may just not be the
drug for me. I still think it should be
legalized for both medicinal and recreational use. But if you end up like me, you should not
being driving heavy machinery, Okay!
If you are a witch or other pagan, and do decide to try
Marijuana for the first time, you might want there to be other trained witches
or pagans around you. Just in case
something paranormal happens to you and you need someone to get you out of that
situation. Just FYI.
Ilsa
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