At 40

At 40 I understood…

They told me I was crazy - so I became crazy

They told me I was weird - so I tried to hide who I really was

They told me I was fat - so I became fat

They told me I was lazy - so I worked till I dropped

She told me I was abandoned - so I felt abandoned

She told me they would hurt me - so I became afraid of them

She told me the world was not safe - so I hid

She told me I was unloved - so I felt unlovable

They told I was ugly - so I felt ugly, and ashamed to be seen

They told me pride was a sin - so I had no pride in who I was

She told me not to fight back - so I never fought for myself

But . . .

He told me he loved me - and I began to feel loved

He told me I was beautiful - and I began to feel beautiful

He showed me the world was safe - so I began to explore in joy and wonder

He told me I worked too much - so I began to relax

They told me they never abandoned me - so I felt wanted and loved

The books told me I wasn’t crazy, that I had been made that way - so I began to heal

So drop by drop I put down my:

Anxiety - and embraced wonder, hope, and joy

Guilt - and embraced my boundaries and limitations

Perfection - and embraced imperfection and tiny daily progressions

Shame - and embraced the woman I was always meant to be.

They told me I couldn’t - I decided I could

Ilsa